26 March 2011

The Zealousy

I run
over many moons
I've run from a distance with my eye on the path
but the path began to drift
and I toward the wrath

the Way began to narrow
and my vessel adopted an apnea for fostering and catering the cratering of my span
I began to implode and run out of road
like a depraved old man of bones

One foot frosty - one foot fiery
but neither of me as either entirely 
and from the tasty lips of a beauty filled mouth
when my strung out tongue asked favor come down
words - as lucid rain for a dried up town - met me
with revolt and violently spewed me out

hence...I awoke

like a terror in the night
my heart broke and soul started a fight

The time for pillows out of newspaper has burned up
Haven't your iris' licked the headlines?
WAKE UP!
The rooster's hymn has sang three times!
and your eyelids have been falling for meadows of lies

Blue suns wide - I run no more sitting paralytic
My knees wobble and creak but they lock and I rank the chair
and it sits pathetic and weak
and I strip myself bare of all of me there

I brake shackles
I burn flesh
I beat my body and make it my slave
and its master's master thresh me
lest I be rooted in mess
or dressed with the grave

I fix my eyes - may they be blind
with ruthless love throbbing with passion
and wet with fiery zealousy

O Captain, my Captain!
Yell to me a charge from the depths of your heart
and I WILL RUN

11 February 2011

Guest

I need you - as always as usual - to turn my heart around
and spin the inside of my veins 
and drain them of my infection

I'm sick
I take a drug that's easy
and it slowly and lovely wrecks me
I don't need it! But oh my God I want it!
Oh my God I don't want to want it because 
I need you
Desire knows the combination
You're the code and I desire to desire
you - only

A work, so magnificent, need be geared in me
Only an existence of ultimate magnitude - infinite - could be considered
Good thing I have this tool in the cavity of my chest
slowly - at a tick of other dimensions - re-arranging a dirty room

Don't you ever stop - no matter how messy it gets - no matter how rusty things grind
You will always find me

broken
under your toes
rotten
the only rotten thing ever raised back to life and full

Anoint me with love like smooth oil
but bash the canister over my skull
and crack it open to crack it open

I know it stings

I'd rather die otherwise

I gave my life away a long time ago so that it should sow and be sowed by only Worthy
Pain is irrelevant
Bring me Death and I shall crack with joy

Sorry - I'm not from around here
Just passing through and using the air for speaking truth
and dripping passion in a trail behind me

My home I left twenty years back and I've been walking ever since
but I'm heading back now
Soon as the return of a prince I'm close with

He once took a floppy corpse
six feet under - below all sea level
and touched it
And it rose up and bloomed a new breath
and took a stand and step on top of the waves
The beaten had never died
for the Groom stomped the face of the one who touched His bride
In this world I am overcome with misery 
and drowned under adversity of a backwards current
But I will hold true to The Love 
because it has overcome the world

11 January 2011

Grave Crave

I could be a happy man
but without you
I'd rather die
I could never feel pain again
but without you
I'd rather die

I could travel across the land
but without you
I'd rather die
I could even fly unmanned
but without you
I'd rather die

I could be free to go
but without you
I'd rather die
I could please my heart although
without you
I'd rather die

I could fall deep in love
but without you
I'd rather die
I could spin the stars above
but without you
I'd rather die

I could be stolen of my life
but without you
I'd rather die
I could live and I could die
but without you
I'd rather die
and with my life I will proclaim
the romance of the very name
that gave me life - that gave me love
and deeply love my life will rain

Broken Bow

Waking up to sparrows dancing in the snow
with their feathers lit up from the reflecting glow
Twenty years ago the creek had already known
that their purpose was a show for Me


Sunrises and steam paint on a canvas of wood
seasoned on by a screen of smoke and soot
and a drippy rhythm that knew it should
copy the still move of the beat inside of Me


Vibrating lungs pressed up against quivering strings
on an empty casket with a din that brings
a billion celestial eyes out to see the rings
awing straight through them from my eyes and Me


Still in the middle of the night in the middle of the forest
with my knees in the leaves and a bow and a horse
archers come flying from the West and the North
surrounding the tree that is the back of Me


Blood in my tracks and my hands gone numb
and my broken bow half and an ascending hum
of a foamy mouth choir with hearts of scum
scoffing to the drum of a defeated Me


I thought this time as an ample kingdom of mine
I saw this place as my manifested angel shrine
Now I'm a dead leaf with weapons of a severed kind
arranged on the floor of the forest - ready to leave Me


A wind picks up and lifts a crunchy leaf
and speaks a soothing word over dying and grief
Your weapon is no use and your foe is no chief
Take off your crown and quiver and let your roots be Me


An enthralling lifting of lights by a yawning fire
sweeping away shadows and waking my dwelling prior
revealing a ravished heart in the snow and a broken bow wire
Entirely for me - not from me - beauty is not me
but You

29 December 2010

loco motion

but why try to chase a train
they come and they go on a track you cant contain
its all crazy vibrating
its all loco motion

i stand next to a living train
not another thing bleeds shiny fascination 
but what is her name?
can i hold it? can i catch it?
and the flying wind
whispers me
patience, kid
here comes the 10:15 to Georgia
youre the one
i lay in the locomotive river
not hardly partly of the sky can be seen
because gliding above me is a dangerous tummy
and the world could be silent and
the world could stop spinning and 
and the world could care less
she still roars by with an almost-kiss

i see the magesticy far beyond me
the grandest thing so small
sized down by miles - by inches - by minutes - by walls dressed in their
sunday morning clocks 
i need a time bomb

so down the hill
so across the plain
and still sounds vibrate up from the ground
and i catch the beating of the engine of the train

and a damp track is laid from misty eyes down my floody face
and into the thirsty desert deeper
as i gently reach out for her
i pinch my fingers and squint my eye
but i couldnt stretch any further if i tried
and my fingers come back empty with a sigh
and a sad chime of a departing bell
oh well

...

no well! not well! not okay!
get my dusty bottoms up from the station and run the way!
ive never ran for anything in my life but thats why this is so right!
there is no matter withstanding between my love train and my fight
all cowboys - WATCH ME RIDE!

no horse ever galloped this fast
no dirt ever kicked up this high
no outlaw ever looked so good in a bandanna
and no heart ever longed something so bad
except mine
if i dont catch this train 
my own engine might die
so i ride

no - this doesnt make sense
its loco motion
its chest weaves adventure of a barbarian ghost
from the most least

and this ride is far from the west
this is no western
this train rolls from the East

20 December 2010

Manifest Destiny

I've wanted my whole life to meet an angel
to see upon a beauty only seen by ghosts
to be amidst pure soul where flesh is absent and hole
I've dreamed she love me and I love her as thee
a mirror of the inside of me I cannot see
a manifest of destiny

I've chased a child's lifetime
in swings and skips 
through sails of ships
in so many nooks and their so many crannies
in pseudo character of motion light
in pages and chapters
in arrested illumination and its bodily captor
bound tight

I've been digging for this ghostly groan in a pile of bones
poking for nothing less than breath
on a road paved to my angel's death

A path gets traveled backwards and the end is most dreadful
still we never turn around until after the cliff is of no return
because behind us is a gust of lust that fills up our lungs with sweet empty air
and tickles our nose hairs
and oh how sweet it tastes unbare

I flew this path although naive
although ignorant as a two year old thief
still I flew
to touch the angel I had laid in my mind I had to find

On a moment as sure as the sun
the sun so as fast as it could
hid its face and made the sky dark as my heart
and on darkness I stood
I stripped away life and breath
to breathe is a gift
I unwrapped and destroyed it as it mine to void and rift

My hands would never do such a thing as I did
Then explain her death but as your heart of this rid
but just a kid - doesn't change it
but only a child - doesn't sway it

The spirit I was yearning and losing and burning
was held and drowned
killed by my very sound
Now why watch a will to live
lift and split and cease to exist
But who am I to magestify myself
What right do I have to think I own life
much less death
to think I pilot what time I have left
or that any other clock ticks by my count
or that the cosmos might almost notice any piece of my shout
and song and hopelessness
this rawness does not lay in my hands

But the hands that hold and the hands that feed
tell me that she still sings
she still paints and creates
she still lights up the moon near by the sea
she still looks for me 
and I for her
the angel the clincher
Not she I shall chase
but the heart of the one who lay the mug of my face
Who lay before me 
the manifest of my destiny

No more shove in love
but surrender to fall forever



12 December 2010

The Barbarian Way - Erwin McManus | Revolt

[Selections from]

|Everywhere the kingdom of God advances, there is a violent engagement against the dark kingdom. To be born of God is to be made a citizen in the kingdom of God, and the kingdom of God is at war. Do not confuse this kingdom with Paradise. Salvation is not reentry into a Paradise Lost; it is enlistment in the mission of God.

|We build churches that become nothing more than hiding places for the faithful while pretending that our actions are for the good of the world. 

|We are called to be warriors of light in dark places. We are mystical warriors who use weapons not of this world. 

|Given that Jesus Himself is the God of Israel, it should strike us as extraordinary that He was not welcome there. But then again, Jesus didn't like it there. One of Jesus' most violent moments took place in the temple. 

|[The sellers of goods in the temple] had become so good at religion that they had no need for God. They were so full of themselves that they had no room for God. When it came down to it, they loved their civilized religion far more than they longed to know the God who created them. They treasured the civilization built around their religion and despised the primal faith from which it was born. They would rather have the temple than the Presence. 

|[The sellers of goods in the temple] could not for a moment imagine that God would choose so barbaric a container as flesh and blood. It shouldn't surprise us that soon after they destroyed the Temple of God, God destroyed their temple. 

|Two thousand years ago God started a revolt against the religion He started. So don't ever put it past God to cause a groundswell movement against churches and Christian institutions that bear His name. If He is willing to turn Judaism upside down, don't think for a moment our institutions are safe from a divine revolt. I am convinced that even now there are multitudes of followers of Jesus Christ who are sick and tired of the church playing games and playing down the call of God. My travels only confirm that the murmurings of revolution are everywhere. I am convinced that there is an uprising in the works and that no one less than God is behind it. 

|Who could have guessed that a message of love could incite to much hostility?

|Jesus was crucified not in spite of His love, but because of it. Somehow love incites both love and hate with equal force. The mission of Christ would be so easy to embrace and carry out if love always resulted in love, but it does not. It seems the world insists that love be proved. So then those who claim love are required to endure hate's most brutal tests. Wherever the love of Christ would be spread by His disciples, they encountered rejection, persecution, suffering, and even death.

|Anyone who chooses the barbarian way will learn quickly that love and sacrifice cannot be separated. This is perhaps why so many of us who know love fear love. We know that love is not the absence of pain. If anything, love is the promise of pain. No one has loved more deeply than God. Has anyone ever been more betrayed? God would not know suffering if He did not know love. But because He is Love, He chose to suffer on our behalf. Without love there is no glory in suffering. 

|The suffering of Christ glorifies God because it elevates love. Compelled by love, God would go where He knew suffering was certain. Love always moves to sacrifice, which is exactly where He calls us to go. We shouldn't be surprised, then, that to follow Christ is to abandon the luxury of safety and security. If we are to be like Him, we must always risk for love. We are invited to follow Him with reckless abandon. The call of God is more than a leap of faith; its a life of faith. Even when it seems beyond our abilities, we should not be surprised when God tells us to jump. 

|We raise our children in the cocoon of a domesticated faith and wonder why they run as far as they can to find adventure.

|How many stories do we need of children who grow up in church being forced to act like a Christian rather than being won to the heart of God?

|The civilized Christian does what is right out of fear; the barbarian does what is right out of love.

|Christian civilization is held together by rules and rituals; the barbarian revolt is fueled by the passion of God and guided by the mission of God.

|Every citizen of the kingdom of God is brought into the heat of the conflict between good and evil. Everyone who swears allegiance to Christ bears responsibility for humanity. The power and force of the barbarian way are that each one who chooses His path must find the courage to jump.

|When we are born again, we are dropped not into a maternity ward, but into a war zone. Our birthplace is less mother's womb and more battlefield earth. Maybe the first words we hear should not be "welcome," but "jump." There is no trial run, no practice life. 

|The barbarian revolt is an insurrection that defies the treaty between civilization and the powers of the dark world. We will not stand by and watch humanity sell its soul to gain the world. We will not be seduced by the comforts offered us if only we would compromise. We cannot pretend that all there is, is what we can see. Barbarians know the world of spirit. We know there is a darkness that subversively corrupts the hearts of men, and to do nothing is to be complicit. We are born into a war. We may feel like children, but we are warriors.

|Paul reminded us that not only are we dropped into the middle of a war, but the war rages in the middle of us. You cannot run or hide from the war any more than you can run or hide from yourself. You can become a prisoner of war, but you are never exempt from the war.

|It is true that the enemy will essentially leave you alone if you are domesticated. He will not waste his energy destroying a civilized religion. If anything, he uses his energy to promote such activity. Religion can be one of the surest places to keep us from God. When our faith becomes refined, it is no longer dangerous to the dark kingdom. 

|Barbarians, on the other hand, are not to be trusted. They respect to borders that are established by powers of principalities. They have but one King, one Lord, and one mission. They are insolent enough to crash the gates of hell. For the sake of others, they are willing to risk their own lives and thrust themselves into the midst of peril. 

|It's as if at the moment of our conversion, we were lifted beyond time into eternity. Seated with Christ in the heavenly realms, we can't get much higher in altitude than that. But then created by God to do good, to fulfill His purpose in the world, to advance His cause, we are God's ground troops dropped back from eternity back into history. In the same world where we were once at home, we are not strangers and aliens. Where once we were enemies of God, we are not behind enemy lines. 

|We need to let ourselves become unique individuals that God created us to be. We need to stop trying to be what everyone else wants us to be and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Civilized people measure one another by their robes and signet rings. The barbarians measure only heart and actions. Barbarians live as if they are naked before God and naked before men. They have nothing to hide; they do not waste their energy pretending to be someone they're not. 

|The barbarian hides nothing before God, and his tribe battles naked and unashamed. 

|One barbarian wandering through civilization can be discarded as nothing more than an oddity. But when members of the barbarian tribe line up across the battlefield, side by side, something amazing begins to happen. Dark kingdoms tremble; the dungeons and prisons that hold men, women, and children captive crumble; prison doors open; chains unlock; and multitudes come to freedom. Whenever the barbarians of Christ pass through civilization, the oppressed and forgotten are soon found dancing in the streets. 

|When an opponent beheads one barbarian, he better be prepared, for we will return in force. We fight violence with peace, hatred with love, and oppression with servanthood. While never violating our uniqueness, we move together, united in heart and soul. Our greatness is unleashed in the context of community. When we move together, God is most perfectly revealed in us. 

|We need to move together as God's people, a barbarian tribe, and become the human version of the rhino crash. The future is uncertain, but we need to move toward it with confidence. There's a future to be created, a humanity to be liberated. We need to stop wasting our time and stop being afraid of what we cannot see and do not know. We need to move forward full force because of what we do know. 

|We may not be able to see what's at thirty-one feet, but we don't have to be blind to what's right in front of us. There's a world that desperately needs God, a world filled with loneliness, hopelessness, and fear. We have somehow become deaf to a cry that reaches heaven coming from the souls of men. But God hears. 

|...we must be aware of the temptation to return to the captivity from which we were freed. There is but one path to freedom. There is no easy road made available. We cannot claim to know Christ and to honor Him if we refuse the path He calls us to follow. Do not insist on binding Him or associating Him with a domesticated or civilized faith. Do not dishonor Him by claiming that a life of faith is a life without risk. This war has no room for pomp or pretension. 

|Jesus leads us into the heart of the dark kingdom, into the soul of what is most evil. He takes us where mankind has chosen to live. He calls us to where the darkness has made those who wander there desperate for light. He leads us as warriors of light to risk our lives for the deliverance of others. Again, our own weapons are love, hope, and faith, and they are our only defense. Yet we above all know that they and only they liberate us and fulfill the deepest longings of our souls.

|If you choose to live your life in this way, if you make the insane decision to live your live for the sake of others, if you choose to follow the One whose barbarian path led Him to the brutality of the Cross, and if you embrace His invitation to take up your own cross and follow Him, then it has begun. If you dare allow God to unlock your primal spirit, He will unleash the raw and untamed faith within. then you will know you have chosen the barbarian way out of civilization.